Today we had to cancel our maternity photo session.
That may not sound like a big deal, but right now, it was one of the only things I had to look forward to.
I’ve been pretty open with people about how much I have not enjoyed being pregnant. But I read that many women who didn’t take maternity photos regretted it.
And although I don’t love being pregnant, I also didn’t want to regret not doing something like this later on.
Plus, doing maternity photos gave me an excuse to buy a new dress and have my sister do my hair and makeup, so I’d feel extra pretty.
Now no one will see that dress. I won’t get my hair and makeup done. I won’t get to smile alongside my husband and feel giddy and excited to meet our baby.
Instead I’ll spend the day sitting on my couch (or laying in bed) in my sweatpants, with unwashed hair, watching TV and scrolling through Facebook and Instagram.
I know bigger events than this are being canceled. I’m out $50 on a dress (a good friend offered to do the photos for us) while other people are losing thousands of dollars after having to cancel their weddings.
I know graduations are being canceled. People are losing their jobs. It’s all heartbreaking.
That doesn’t make having to cancel my maternity photos any less heartbreaking for me, though.
It was one of the last exciting things we had scheduled before our son is born. It was the only exciting thing on my long list of to-dos.
I know things will get better. And I know, in the grand scheme of things, the photos aren’t that important. But right now I just need to allow myself to feel sad about the things I’m missing out on.