Back for Now

It’s probably been almost a year since I last posted here. Life really changed quite a bit after my half marathon last April. I was dealing with extreme fatigue and exhaustion (which I now know was probably caused by undiagnosed hypothyroidism).

At one point over the spring/summer, I cut out exercise altogether because I was so exhausted. No amount of guac was going to get me to go for a run. Eventually I started doing a little yoga and some strength exercises here and there, but I struggled to be consistent with it.

Then I got pregnant (which is how I also found out about my hypothyroidism). That slowed me down even more. I think I’ve run a total of 3 times since I got pregnant. I did eventually start walking on a fairly regular basis. And doing some prenatal yoga (not consistently).

Our baby boy is due April 30 and is healthy and active, even if I’m not being as active as I’d like to be.

Which brings me to today. I’ve been working home all week due to the pandemic (and will be staying put for the next couple weeks at least).

Since I’m working from home, I have a little more time to do things like write a blog post. I also have more time to worry and feel anxious about everything. Being pregnant makes a lot of that worse, I think.

Yes, I’d be worried even if I wasn’t pregnant, but it’s much more than whether we’ll get our delivery of dog food on time or whether my job will survive a recession (my job is stable currently, but who knows where the economy will take us over the next several months).

But now I have to worry about whether we’ll be able to provide for our baby. Will we have enough diapers for when he comes home? (We were gifted a couple boxes, but I’m worried it’s not enough. I also feel bad about buying more since we don’t need them yet and others need them now.)

I’m worried about what might happen if I get sick. Yes, I’m young and healthy, but I do have asthma, which does put me at a slightly higher risk. And there are so many unknowns about if or how this disease affects unborn/newborn babies.

I’m also feeling angry and disappointed because I feel like this pandemic is stealing some of the joy I should have with this experience (although this pregnancy has been far from enjoyable—but that’s a whole other post). This will be my parents’ first grandchild, my grandma’s first great grandchild.

If things continue the way they’ve been, it’s possible they won’t get to see him in the hospital or even hold him for who knows how long.

Not to mention my husband and I will be completely on our own when we bring him home. No one to come hold the baby so we can get some sleep or any in-person help/support from anyone.

Of course I know my family and friends will be there for me over the phone/FaceTime/whatever, but as a new mom, it’s scary to think I won’t have the kind of support some of my other friends have had.

I know we’ll get through this and things will work out and our baby will be healthy and loved and that’s all that really matters. But it’s hard right now. It’s hard to not worry or feel scared or angry or anxious or depressed.

Also, because my energy/mental capacity is limited and I also have work to do, I’m not wasting my time trying to find the perfect pictures for my blog posts. This (and any others I might post in the near future) will be sans pictures because searching for/sizing pictures takes a lot of energy, and I don’t have a lot to spare right now. Hope you enjoy these posts anyway.

Thanks for reading. Stay safe and healthy.