Missing Running

Things have been a little quiet on the blog lately, mostly because my personal life has been chaotic. I’ve been struggling both mentally and physically since I had to stop running over a month ago (chiropractor’s orders). I had plans to run a 10k at the end of May and that’s just not going to happen. Maybe if I got cleared to run in the next week I could pull off a 5k, but I think the 10k is out of reach at this point. So that’s frustrating.

On top of that, I really have had zero physical activity over the past month. I went to the gym once and did the elliptical and it was awful. Way worse than the “dreadmill”. So I’m not getting much exercise, I’ve been sore from my adjustments and muscle work at the chiropractor, and I feel like I’m not making much progress with it. My shoulder still hurts and although they tried to have me do exercises last week, I was so sore afterwards that they’ll probably delay those even longer.

I know it will eventually get better and I’ll be able to do more than I could do this time last year, but the waiting is hard. Especially since running was about so much more than staying in shape for me. First and foremost, it got me out of the house at least once every day (work from home problems). But it’s also an outlet for anger, frustration, sadness, writing blocks, and so much more. So now I have all these pent-up feelings and I don’t have a way to release them.

IMG_3169.jpgThe past month or so has been hard for lots of other reasons, too. My freelance work was slow for a while, which really stresses me out (and I couldn’t run to relieve that stress!). Then, my grandpa passed away, so I had to cut back on the little bit of work I did have so I could be with my family. It was all hard and exhausting, but the amount of people who came to the visitation and/or funeral was incredible and I’m so grateful to everyone who stood in line for almost an hour or more just to say hi and chat for a minute.

In spite of all the sadness and stress and exhaustion, good things are in the works. My freelance work is picking back up and I’ve got some promising full-time opportunities on the horizon as well. It’s been hard to stay positive lately, but I’m trying.

For now, I’m going to keep working hard, and maybe try to write a blog post more than once a month! I’ve got some other posts I’m working on so be on the lookout for those!

Mindset Shift

I’ve been working on shifting my mindset a lot lately. I spend a lot of time worrying about horrible what-ifs and areas where things are lacking (ie I don’t have enough; I don’t make enough; etc.). To maintain a more positive mindset, I’ve been repeating a few mantras to myself lately:

  • Believe good things will happen and they will. 
  • I am enough. I have enough. 
  • Keep going. 

It’s an awful thing to believe you’re not good enough, and I’ve spent so much time believing that about myself. I’m choosing to focus on the good that could happen and I’m choosing to believe that I am enough.

Last week, thanks to this Instagram post, I added a new one to the rotation:

  • What do I have to lose? What’s the worst that could happen? 

It’s been a great reminder to take risks, particularly when I have nothing to lose and the worst that could happen is someone says “no”.

I’ve been looking for full-time jobs lately (and regular freelance work in the meantime). After applying for a full-time job with a company I was excited about working for, they unexpectedly asked if I’d be willing to start in a contract (ie freelance) position first. I immediately said yes because I’m excited about the company and position.

I didn’t negotiate rates at all. I just accepted the range they gave me. The last time I did that, things didn’t turn out well, and I’ve always regretted not negotiating for higher pay. So when they sent over the contract for this freelance position, there were a few concerning items, in addition to the low pay I had initially agreed to.

I felt a little strange negotiating rates after already verbally agreeing to what they offered. But I thought to myself, I have nothing to lose here. The worst that can happen is they say they can’t go any higher and won’t make changes to the contract, at which point I walk away. Sure, I’d be missing out on the possibility of it turning into a full-time position, but I wouldn’t be any worse off. I still have some steady freelance work and I’m still looking for other full-time jobs. 

So I went for it and asked for a higher hourly rate that better reflected my experience and what my target salary would be for a full-time position, in addition to the other changes I wanted to see in the contract. I didn’t hear back for over a week, so I assumed the “worst” had happened. I let it go and refocused my energy into looking for other jobs. Yesterday I finally got a response from them and they agreed to the higher rate and the other changes I had proposed.

Now I’m just waiting to see the final draft of the contract so I can sign it and get to work. I feel so great for “leaning in” and asking for what I wanted and needed. This time last year (heck even just a few months ago), I might not have had the guts to do that. I’ve been working really hard to have a more positive attitude about life in general and I’ve been taking more risks, both personally and professionally. Hopefully this is the start of all that hard work paying off!

Have you taken any risks lately? Did they pay off? How do you maintain a positive attitude—or is that something you struggle with like me?

How I’m Managing Stress These Days

The one thing I did to better manage my stress.

Stress management has never been a strength of mine. I get overwhelmed and frustrated easily. Throw in a Whole30 where I have to cook nearly every day plus the chaos of being a freelancer and that’s a recipe for disaster.

A while back (I’m not even sure how long it’s been now) I turned off all social media notifications on my phone. I don’t get the little red dot letting me know someone liked a picture I posted anymore. My phone doesn’t buzz and light up when someone comments on a post. It’s nice.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. As a freelancer, all my projects come through email. I felt like I needed to be notified of every email as they came through because of this. In reality, all that did was distract me from whatever I was working on. And sometimes, depending on who the email was from and what it said, it caused a great deal of stress and frustration.

I ended up spending more time trying to calm myself down and refocus on the task at hand than I actually spent writing the article I was working on. Which meant I had to work later to ensure I got all my assignments for the day turned in on time. It was a frustrating cycle, and it was affecting my sleep and making me insufferably cranky.

I’m not sure why it took me so long or what exactly flipped the switch in my mind, but the light bulb went on late last week. I realized I don’t need those notifications. I don’t have to read and respond to every email as soon as it comes in. I don’t need those distractions.

So I turned them all off. Now I check my email after I finish one assignment and before I move on to the next to make sure I’m not missing anything important, particularly if I’m waiting for a response to a question about an assignment.

In fact, I turned off nearly every type of notification I could possibly get on my phone. No social media, no email, no random apps. The only notifications I get are text messages (still working on how to keep those from being a distraction), phone calls, and score updates for the Blues and Cardinals (which are primarily night games and therefore not a work distraction anyway).

I even forgot to check my email over the weekend until pretty late last Saturday. Fortunately, I hadn’t missed anything important and it was so incredibly nice to essentially forget my email existed.

Now that I’ve done this, I realize I need to set an email schedule for myself. Mostly so I can set client expectations and avoid missing any urgent emails because they didn’t know I wouldn’t be checking it after a certain time of day.

Of course, email is just one source of stress in my life. There’s a lot of other areas that still need work. But turning off those notifications has made a huge difference in less than a week’s time.

How do you manage your email? Do you check it immediately or do you have a set schedule for yourself?